karma of a student 2.0

...and when shit happens someone tells you in some way that you deserve it!
That's not exactly the way or the surface meaning, but going deeply yes. 
I recently took the toefl test, unfortunately again: I cannot reach the notorious 100+. Can I say fuck? mmm, yes, it's my blog!
Anyway the pretext was the unsuccessful test, but the real fact is that I'm freaking out: I am really scared from the unknown of the next years, to move to another city another country another culture, to count only on me because I'm going to have no one beside me maybe for the next months. In my opinion that's the price I have to pay now. That's the karma of a student 2.0.
Yes, starting fresh, should be the motto..but how could I? I'm in a emotional outburst. The understanding is already a step forward, I hope.
I'm sorry,I cannot end this post properly. I am going to wallow in my grief. ;-)      

I deserve it! Stop.